Most couples wait years before asking for help. By then the same argument may have been repeated a hundred times, or the silence between you may have started to feel normal. It doesn't have to stay that way.
Couples therapy gives you both a calm, structured place to say what is hard to say at home, and to be heard. You don't need to be in crisis to come. Some couples come to strengthen a relationship that is basically good, before small problems grow.
Couples come to me for help with
- Constant arguments, or arguments that go nowhere
- Feeling distant, lonely or more like roommates
- Broken trust, including after an affair
- Different needs around closeness, money, family or the future
- Big transitions: a new baby, children leaving home, retirement, illness
- Blending families and the strain of step-parenting
- Couples from different cultures, countries or languages
- Deciding whether to stay together, or how to separate with as little harm as possible
How couples sessions work
Both partners usually take part together. From time to time it can help to meet each of you alone; if we do, we agree beforehand how anything said in those sessions will be handled, so that no one is caught off guard.
I don't take sides. My job is to help you both see the pattern you're caught in, how each of you keeps it going without meaning to, and what each of you can do differently. We also work on practical things: how to bring up difficult subjects without the conversation escalating, how to repair after a fight, and how to make room for each other again.
Joining from one place, or two
You can sit together in front of one screen, or each join the same Zoom call from your own device, which works well for couples who live apart, travel for work, or simply feel freer speaking from their own room. Both of you need to be in Florida, Colorado or Arizona during the session.
What if one of us isn't sure?
That's common, and it isn't a reason to wait. Even when one partner is uncertain about the relationship or about therapy, sessions can bring clarity about what each of you wants. Whatever you decide, therapy can help you make the next step with care and respect for each other.
Why a marriage and family therapist?
A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) has graduate training specifically in relationships: how couples and families work, how patterns form between people, and how to change them. I also bring training in psychodynamic therapy, which helps us understand how each partner's history shows up in the relationship today.